Holding hands.

About a week and a half ago we arrived back to the lower 48 from Alaska. We docked in Bellingham, WA and had a great day spent with the office staff there. Soon after we headed to Seattle to perform at a Rotary event. Upon arriving to our hotel we walked to a restaurant for dinner. Dinner was over and it was time for the children to get ready for bed. Walking back to the hotel I was holding hands with Reagan and this thought came into my head:

Whose hand are you holding?

Of course I am holding Reagan's hand. As I kept thinking about it though I still couldn't shake it. Whose hand am I holding? Someday Reagan will create, hold, comfort, build, work, and change the world with his hands. God will use him and all the children. Perhaps I am holding the hand of the one who will one day find the cure to AIDS. Perhaps I am holding the hand of the one who will comfort the orphans and the widows. Perhaps I am holding the hand of the one who will change a nation.

I don't know whose hand I am holding, but it is a beautiful thing. I am part of who he will become. Now that is an honor and responsibility. Because what I pour into these hands is what will come out of them. Do I sow love and care? Do I sow patience or selfishness? Do I sow faithfulness or imprudence? Thankfully there is the grace of God to fulfill what I am not for him.

And one day I will let to let that hand go. I will release his little hand and he will fly back to his home. I will miss holding hands with him and the other children. I will miss talking and seeing their eyes light up. But if I don't let his hand go the world won't change. So for today I will pour every good thing I possibly could into his hands hoping he will be equipped.

Dear Lord, help me. I can't do it on my own. I can't give them everything they need, only you can do that. You know exactly what they need. May I be your vessel to deliver what they need?

A perfect fall day.

A trip to the countryside to a lovely apple orchard in the middle of fall. It was perfect.

We love fall :)

Haha, this one is for Amy.

Apple picking!

It's a pea pit. Yes, a pea pit. A pit full of dried peas. The kids loved it!

Thank you Auntie Tina for taking us.

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it,

and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth

seeking the successive autumns."

- George Eliot

My bags are unpacked.

Shirts hanging in the closet, books stacked high, toiletries neatly laid out in the bathroom.

Yes, my bags are unpacked.

This is a 7-night stay with Host Families and it is wonderful.

I am finding joy in being in one spot for this length of time, a rarity in tour life.

I am blessed tonight.

I have a bed.

Warmth and shelter.

Tap running with clean water.

Washer and dryer cleaning my and the girls clothes for me.

Safety.

Electricity.

Hospitality from strangers.

Good books.

Quiet.

There are many though who don't have these things tonight.

I feel spoiled tonight.

There is nothing that I can physically for those without tonight, but I can PRAY.

Because prayer changes things.

Tonight I will sleep in the assurance that the ONE who holds all things in His hands holds those that I cannot.

Love.

The kids are loving Alaska and the ferry rides that take us along the Alaska Marine Highway System. My thoughts about the kids have been numerous lately as I am realizing that the end of tour is not too far off. I want the best for them. My heart aches with longing to help them more, to pour into them more. There is a song I love by jj heller and one of the verses goes something like this:

Who will love me for me?

Not for what I have done or

what I'll become.

Who will love me for me?

The verse struck me as I imagined the kids asking me this very thing. While Christ can only love us wholly and completely I pray that I would love the children like this; not based on their past, present, or future, but based on the knowledge that they are sculpted and designed in His image.

The song ends with this:

I will love you for you.

Not for what you have done

or what you will become.

I will love you for you.

I will love you for you.

The love that you never knew.

Can you imagine what our days would be filled with if we loved each other with a love not based on performance, status, or any other sort of standards, but loving them for them? I can't promise that I will love this team, this family comprised of people from different nations perfectly, but each day I can aim to love others without requisite.

Yes, these children will do great things. They will bring change and hope to their families, villages, schools, churches, and communities; they are already doing that. I'm just asking for God's eyes towards them, eyes overcome with agape love.

Lord, may your kingdom come to earth. May we have glimpses and moments of what heaven will feel like as we sacrifice our desires to your heavenly ones. Give us your desires God. Burn within us a passion to make your name realized throughout this earth; a passion that burns off the things that hinder.

coffee girls

I would like to introduce you to Priscillah and Naomi.

These two are the ones who have made sure that I am not drinking too much coffee.

I am serious.

Everyday (well most days) I ask them if I am allowed to have a cup of coffee.

Usually if I plead long enough they give in.

But don't worry, they never let me have more than one cup a day!

I love these girls.

.changes.

i know that things change. as humans we are meant to change both inside and out. whether it means changing characteristics about ourselves or where we live, nothing ever stays the same. as followers we are called to change more into the likeness of christ each and every day. some days i am better about laying down my old self and putting on the new.

colossions 3:12-13
therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. bear with each other and forgive whatever grievences you may have against one another. forgive as the Lord forgave you.

we clothe ourselves daily, we change daily. i wish that i always put on compassion and gentleness, but some days i don't. some days i choose not to change and i regret it. i regret not changing to be more like my savior. i have changed since beginning tour 1 year ago. God has guided me as a daughter being led by her father. i have learned lessons that can't be told. i have travelled to hundreds of places and met even more people who are each walking down their own paths. many of these people have encouraged, confronted, and strengthened me. and in the end God has changed me through these people. and life has changed for each of you over the past year. there have been celebrations, accomplishments, disagreements, uprootings.

over the past year i have seen the lives of my friends and family change. many have deepened their walk with Christ, begun new jobs, married, travelled the world, cried, stayed home, kept in contact, laughed, and much more. part of me wishes that i could have been there for those things instead of witnessing them at a distance, but i know i am to be here for this season. and after this season with the ACC, i will change once again. it will be hard. it may be one of the hardest things i have ever done, to say goodbye to the children and chaperones as we have spent 15 months together nonstop. i don't know what changes God has for me tomorrow or the day after that, but i hold to the promise that they are good. for each of us who follows Him, His promises are sweet and true.

the Bellagio

in just a few short days choir 35 will board a plane bound for los vegas. we are currently in fairbanks, alaska but will fly to los vegas for a performance at the bellagio and then fly back to anchorage, alaska. it will be an adventure. i personally am very excited to fly with the children. they talk about flying all the time. and who doesn't want to take a weekend trip to los vegas?!?! i will be sure to take lots of pictures that tell of all of our adventures =)