Saturday, December 4, 2010

{in one moment}

I am watching the sunrise this morning. If you know me, you know that I am not a morning person. I never have been and while tour has helped me work to change this, waking up at 5:30 a.m. is still early to me. It was an early morning as I had to say goodbye to 2 of my boys. They are going to Choir 37 for a bit to help them out. As I hugged Jonah and Reagan my heart ached. What do you say in a moment like that? I was given 16 months to tell them all the things they needed to hear and it came down to one moment. I gave them one last hug and I told them how proud of them I am and how much I love them.

I have loved them, cared for them, cried with them, prayed with them, struggled with them for 16 months and on Monday I will have to say goodbye to 19 more children. Last night after the children said their goodbyes to these two boys, Ivy looked at me and said "Auntie, you are so brave, you aren't crying." And then Charity responded with, "Ivy, you can be brave and still cry."

And on Monday I will be brave. I will say goodbye to 21 children that have affected my life so deeply. I will no longer wake up early so I can get the kids ready. I won't tuck them into bed and giggle and laugh and pray with them. No longer will I hear the chatter. Things are changing. We are stepping into the unknown and things are changing. Perhaps that is the scary part of change, the unknown. For 16 months we have lived pretty consistent and normal lives and all of the sudden in one moment things change. Life will become consistent and normal for all of us in different ways now. For now though I am living in these last moments, in these last 3 days.

Lord, be with us as we change and step into the unknown. Life is changing for 29 people who have become a family. Guide us and direct us as our paths head different directions now. Thank you that our paths crossed for these months, even if only for a bit of time in our lives.

Lord, make me brave. Even with my tears I will be brave and face the future with confidence that the Creator is in control. And in these last few days we will celebrate together. We will look at the faithfulness of our God and rejoice together. We have run the race, we have finished what we set out to do. We have had the courage to live out these 16 months fully and that is what has made us brave for this moment.


  1. Aw, Leash... your posts seriously make me almost cry ALL the time. You ARE ridiculously brave. Philippians 4:13!

    Love you!!

  2. love you, love you, love you.
    so proud of what you have done, the woman you are becoming, and the path you have allowed the Lord to walk you down. i CANNOT WAIT to see you face next week. praying for you so much, friend.

  3. I feel as if I read my own words when I iread your blogs because I am feeling the same thing. Dear Friend, We will stand tall and be brave, and if we shed some tears, we'll still be standing tall and being brave, just like Charity said. :)
    I love you. We'll be needing each other tomorrow, but even now I can already feel His All surpassing Peace. :)