Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Beginning of The End

Sometimes the tears just come. Not for long, just for a few minutes when I realize that the children will be leaving soon. I imagine us all at the airport hugging amidst a wave of tears clinging as tight as we can and I realize that moment is soon. It scares me. How do you say goodbye to the people, to the family that you’ve just spent the last 15½ months with? What do you do with your days? How do you fill the void of no longer answering questions all day from eager minds or laughing over the silliest of things? This has been life 24/7 for over a year. The best way I know to begin to process all of this is to live in the moment, enjoying these last weeks with the children to the fullest. I know that they aren’t mine; they have families in Africa eagerly awaiting their return. God entrusted me with them for this time and soon that time will come to an end. And when these precious children depart I will rejoice in the moments and days that I was able to spend with them. I will count myself as blessed to have known and struggled and rejoiced with them. I won’t see them face-to-face but I will pray for them and think about them often. I wish I knew how to better put into words what I am feeling and thinking.

My brain is whirling with thoughts. There is a time for everything and I think that part of the process of changing times is allowing myself to feel in that moment. We were made to feel and experience life, which is why God designed us with emotions. Tour has been wonderful and life changing and I will think back on it as a foundational part in my life. I have been sculpted and formed into the woman I am by these incredible children and chaperones. God has used these people to show me so much. He has shown me parts of me that need to change and welcomes me to grow into His image more each day.

There has been a word on my heart lately that resounds over and over: righteous. I’ve been asking myself if what I am doing, from the smallest to the largest thing, is being done with an honest, truthful, righteous heart and spirit. Scriptures in both the Old and New Testaments speak of living a righteous life and it is the righteous that will inherit the Kingdom. I find this an interesting word for me as tour is ending. Of course things such as endurance, finishing strong, and perseverance come to my mind. I am excited to see what He teaches me as I study and ponder this word some more the next few weeks.

In all that I am learning and experiencing I am so blessed. Last night during prayers with Ruth and Ivy we prayed about home and the end of tour. Then Ivy and Ruth decided to pray for me. Their prayers were precious and innocent. Ivy’s prayer was “Lord, help Auntie to find a job after tour” and Ruth’s was “Lord, help Auntie to find somewhere to work. Bless her oh Lord. Thank you for giving her coffee today.” My kids know me so well.

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